fuck

i always do this. i make the biggest possible deal about something so stupid only because i feel fucked. my boyfriend has been telling me we would hang out for the last couple of days so i turned down plans with one of my good friends because i thought i already had plans. then he invites me to this dinner with a couple of his co-workers. i've been to one of these dinners before and it didn't rub me the right way. no one made an effort to talk to me and i'm a very shy person unless spoken to. i felt like i was being ignored and wasn't wanted. i was just there because i was the girlfriend. so i'm caught in a rough spot. i want to hang out with him but i don't want to be strung along to another fucking dinner where i would sit there silently for three hours wasting my time, but i also don't want to just not see him. i'll be miserable either way. my good friend already made plans so there is no use in trying to hang out with her again, i mean i could always call my dude but he always wants to party and i'm not into that. i just got really bitchy because i hate when this happens and a whole mess of shit added to it. bitches not knowing me but think its alright to put my name in their mouths when they should just shove another bean burrito in there to keep the many others company. The worst part is matt didn't think twoce about it. well she said she was sorry. i don't give a flying fuck. i don't know her, she doesn't know me, i didnt get an apology you did. i've never met this girl in my life yet she thinks its okay to slander my name. jealousy is an ugly side of a person, and AT LEAST I GET PAID BITCH! but i hate when i get in bad moods and speak to my boyfriend in a bitchy way. he only ever tries to make me happy but sometimes he just doesn't get my point of view which makes me livid instead of just upset. i do place the blame on other people but i expect certain people to know me enough to know what to and not to do. couples fight though, its getting through them that makes relationships stronger. one things for sure, i don't take anything hes ever done for me for granted. :)